I am home. Surgery, the fusion of two vertebrae (L4-L5) proceeded on schedule Monday morning, September 30th, at 7:15 a.m.. The 6-hour procedure (4 hours in the operating room and 2 in recovery) were necessitated by a herniated disc, a cyst impacting the spinal cord, and a general collapse brought about by a well-used/abused 72-year-old body. The excruciating pain preceding surgery has been replaced by the slowly abating post-surgery pain. Pain, to distress, to ache, to discomfort, to… relief? I’m not there yet, but is that a glimmer of light I see at the end of a spinal canal? Perhaps.

First meds included oxycodone and large doses of Tylenol. I was discharged on Tuesday, October 1st, with 15 Oxy pills (one every 4 hours as needed for pain, call for a refill) and take 1000mg Tylenol every 6 hours. There are still 10 Oxy pills in the bottle, and it has remained unopened since Wednesday.

Until recently I have been a very strong walker. It is amazing to me how quickly atrophy can set in. Today I “hiked” 10 minutes around the inside of my home and climbed two flights of stairs 3 times. That was a good start, and I will repeat twice later today. Outside and around the block tomorrow? Again, perhaps. Inactivity is toxic but too much activity is potentially catastrophic. It is for me to find compromise.

I once read that women who have experienced the significant pain of childbirth soon forget the pain and often embrace the thought of doing it all over. As a man, I cannot validate this. Christine says it is so. What I can say is that the very real and tangible pain I experienced has disappeared, like a ghost. I know I could once “see” that demon. It had color, red. It had shape, sharp and angular. It stabbed, pierced, wounded and assaulted me, relentlessly. I was helpless. I can still see what it did, but IT has vanished from my “sight”. Unlike the joy a woman experiences in bringing new life into the world, I do not invite this pain’s return.

It is an effort to share this with you. Sitting at a computer is not comfortable. But I am thankful for all the good wishes, encouragements and prayers. 

Tomorrow my first post-surgery shower! It’s the little things. Peace Everyone. Pete

PS. My last post (September 23rd) included a postscript about a book I was reading, A Trick of the Light by Louise Penny, the seventh book in the Armand Gamache detective series. I am a notoriously slow reader, plagued by mild dyslexia and lexical agraphia (an inability to spell or recall letter sequencing in words… thank God for secretaries, word check, and Christine. If you only knew!).

I have been so captivated by the series that in spite of the surgery, I not only finished book seven, but book eight (“The Beautiful Mystery”) and have begun book nine, How the Light Gets In”.

They are that good. Pete

Written at Kansas City, Missouri, October 4, 2024

17 thoughts on “The Invisible Color of Pain

  1. Peter – HOORAY!! The pain may not be gone, the legs may need some rehab – but you are on your journey back to good back health! It IS true about childbirth – though I will say that I had finally figured it out by child #4 and was not looking forward to it! ha ha – oy. I remember relishing that post surgery shower – though with a bit of terror. I don’t have a history of falling in the shower but good grief – I didn’t mind sitting down either!
    Have you read any of the Amor Towles books? “A Gentleman in Moscow” – so far is my favorite. Highly recommend it. Though “The Lincoln Highway” was good as well. (hmmm… did we already discuss this?)
    Thank you so much for the update … good luck with the walking. That darn fine line between pushing yourself but not too far. Sitting here in the White Mountains – wishing you well .. sending thoughts of a complete recovery and a return to no pain.
    Keep the Faith my friend (and give that gal of yours a gentle hug for me)
    Liz

  2. Julie Baliva says:

    Glad to receive your update. We were wondering. Sounds like it’s quit journey and that you are on a better path. Praying you continue to improve and gain strength and wisdom on what snd how much to do. Blessings, Julie and Dom.

  3. Nancy Antonette Wallingford says:

    I am so glad the surgery is over and went well. Keep being brave and moving forward. You inspire people.

  4. Peter, you are such an inspiration and a terrific-to-read writer. I have my second hip surgery to ‘look forward to’, not quite the same, but with a six week recovery agenda, and similar journey. Many pills, the long awaited shower and the joy of learning to walk again. I wish you the best recovery and thank you for sharing and inspiring.

  5. I feel your pain Pete. About 20 years ago I had some neck work done accompanied by severe pain. I was also prescribed oxy. I used a whole bottle of those pills to relieve the powerful pain. At the time, I was not aware of the dangers of oxy, so I used it daily for a month or so, as directed. The thing is that I stopped using it as the pain went out with the tide and I never had any signs of addiction. My thought – you have a stronger will than I ever had and I believe you can safely set aside some of the risk, take a pill and relieve your pain.

  6. Max Harrison says:

    My all time favorite book series!! I have pre ordered her 19th book to come out later this month. Just reread some of Pat Conroy’s books…the Lords of Discipline and the Death of Santini. I have read all but his cookbook. Began back in the 70’s . The Great Santini, Lords of Discipline , Prince of Tides were all made into movies. I get all my books on Kindle. Glad you are doing better. Your surgery was more complicated than mine but the cyst on the Sciatic nerve is incredibly painful. Take the meds you need. When my mom shattered her femur at the age of 93, she was very reluctant to take the pain meds prescribed but as her doctor told her…if your body is experiencing pain it will NOT heal. Chip was on your same meds after his surgery and went through several oxy’s before getting to the point were the 1000mg of tylenol could handle it…so don’t be heroic about the meds…use them to recover faster..even if at night to guarantee a good sleep..the time when the body repairs itself. Take good care and love to you both!

  7. Thank you for the update. Sounds like progress already. After more than a few surgeries since my 40’s, I’ve finally started to listen to my body (and doctors and physical therapists) during recovery my last few rather than my brain which still tells me full steam ahead. I know you’ve heard it all before. The pain for that length of time has done a number on you, but your muscles have memory. If you’re already doing stairs, that’s amazing. Sit to stands are excellent and will get you ready for squats! Remember balance and core. Baby steps and that walk around the block will happen soon followed by that first mile and many, many more.

  8. Good to hear you are doing better!
    Good for you not needing the oxy, but at least it’s there if you do! Love Louise’s books! The first one that series is on Prime…. Continue to PT and heal! And maybe someday finish the Camino with B!!

  9. So glad your off the opioids. They have a purpose but the shorter you use them the quicker your recovery. Sounds like the surgery was the right choice and you’re on the road back to your slightly younger self.
    Peace, Bill

  10. Pete / Ginny and I are so happy this surgery has gone so well. We know you will persevere and will be walking, if not hiking again soon! Say hello to Christine for us. Peace.

  11. Diane Richardson says:

    Hi Pete! I hope you feel better real soon.
    I have also found Louise Penny’s Three Pines books, and I’m devouring them, in audiobook form! I’m up to #15! 🙂🙏🏻

  12. Cindy Wienstroer says:

    Pete & Christine: So glad the surgery has helped. You are strong but remember to not listen too often to the 18 yr old in your head (they lead us astray!). Continue prayers for you both, love, Cindy

  13. Pete Schloss says:

    Hi everyone. Is a bit of a challenge to sit at the computer and that is why I have not replied to your comments individually. I have read them all and feel you’re caring. Thank you so very much!

  14. Glad your surgery well. Remember you had major surgery give your body time to heal don’t rush and push yourself. Glad you can stand the pain without oxy! Prayers for continued healing.

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