Category: Life and Living

But is it Safe?

Posted on by Pete Schloss

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We are nearing 3 weeks from departure for an “epic” (even by our standards) adventure to Europe. I will be posting more details soon, however a “highlight” is another walk on the Camino de Santiago Compostela. This time it will be the 150-mile-long Portuguese route from Porto to Santiago Spain.

I have been asked more than once, “Is it safe… aren’t you afraid of crime?”
Spain is a county with a population of nearly 47 million souls. In 2016 there were fewer than 300 homicides in the entire country. Metro Kansas City has a population of approximately 1 million people (2010 census). In 2017 there were 208 area homicides.

Sadly, compared to where we live, we feel pretty safe walking in Spain.

Peace Everyone. Pete

Memories Not Included

Posted on by Pete Schloss

As I drove home from my regular morning visit to the gym I saw 4 different “Estate Sale” signs. I know that there is a defacto “Garage Sale Season”, but I have never heard of Estate Sales being seasonal.

It occurred to me that each of those sales represents a house full of mementoes with a life-time of associated memories. In the course of a weekend the owners’ possessions will be disbursed like the windblown seeds from a dandelion.

It may be a kindness for an owner to have passed away before the sale, each item falling under the auctioneer’s gavel as a mere chattel. Imagine a couple’s pain as the rocker that saw small children fall to sleep in a mother’s arms is unceremoniously hauled off by a dealer who sees only new upholstery and profit in its possession. Think of the tears that might fall from the eyes of one who sees family photos, the ragged stuffed animals of a long-grown child, a rusted bicycle, a tarnished trophy… cast into a pile destined for the trash dump.

Christine’s 99-year-old father, Bill, returned to his Kansas City roots from his Florida retirement home. He was a refugee from Hurricane Irma. The accumulation of 75 years married to the love of his life was already culled to the barest of items. Things precious to him and few others. After nearly 3 months with us Christine made arrangements for him to acquire a wonderful 1-bedroom apartment in an assisted living community. It was complete with a living room, kitchen, and a balcony with a view. However, it was just empty space until 2 sturdy young men from Ikea spent 4 hours creating furnishings from flat boxes, and turned the space into a residence.

The place held no more charm for Bill than a motel until his few personal items were hung upon the walls. Pictures of 2 deceased children, a deceased brother’s picture, a 4-H lifetime achievement award, a “100,000 Mile Club” certificate from TWA with the watermark image of a 4-engine prop plane of 1950’s vintage, and of course images from a life lived well with his wife, now deceased. These and other similar items changed the sterile residence into a home. Bill often walks the perimeter of his apartment, stopping before each of these things which are the playback buttons of treasured moments, people, or places in time. Bill has spontaneously voiced his pride in his new home. In reality it is his pride in the old things that have a new place to share with him.

Someday, many of the “treasures” that Christine and I have accumulated will become the possessions of strangers, or merely add to the volume of a landfill. In any case, whatever their fate, memories are not included.

Peace Everyone. Pete

Hey Siri! Where Am I?

Posted on by Pete Schloss

This last weekend Christine and I were walking through the neighborhood, taking advantage of the Spring-like weather. This is an area of stately 100-year-old homes with towering oak trees. Periodically one encounters sections of sidewalk thrust out of level by massive subterranean tree roots. Ahead of us we saw a young mother with her 3 “little people” in tow. One of the children, perhaps 5, pushed an empty stroller that was likely intended for the 3-year-old who waddled along. The three children appeared to be stair steps in age. I estimated the middle child to be 4. Suddenly, the youngest stopped and squatted. Giving full attention to the bare black earth at the side of the walkway. He reached out and pointing, calling “Look!”. We were in time to see that the child had spied the earliest signs of sprouting flowers beginning to emerge from their Winter sleep. The siblings and mom were quickly engaged in the examination of Nature’s wonder.

The child lived in the moment. He saw, examined, marveled, and smiled. In turn, he caused his Mother and siblings to bring their focus to that moment, also examining, marveling and finally smiling. We stopped and smiled. Perhaps you are now smiling.

As children make their passage into adulthood they lose the gift of living in the moment… the skill of just being present. We who were once children spend most of our time distracted by our work, bills, goals, successes, and failures. We are slaves to the electronic devices that tear us from where we are, casting our minds into “the cloud”, the land of Google, and other far flung places. It is ironic that “smart-phone apps” obsessively want to know our location as they distract us from being there.

Being in the moment provides the kind of rich satisfying happiness that young children experience… happiness that is infectious. The distractions of adulthood are barriers that prevent us from seeing, examining, marveling, and smiling at the simple things that exist all around us. I have come to believe that everyday miracles exist. They just go unnoticed by all except the children.

Peace Everyone! Pete

Symbols of Marriage

Posted on by Pete Schloss

It comes as no surprise that I am a fan of the institution of marriage. Yet much of the first half of my professional life was spent helping people to end their marriages in litigation. The last 10 years of my career was largely dedicated to helping people end their marriages with dignity, preserving their joint roles as parents through Mediation. My motivation was the belief that children have only one opportunity to experience the joy of childhood. This opportunity can too easily be infected by the fallout of an angry and dysfunctional divorce. Through experience I have come to believe the following:

  1.  Marriage is permanent or impermanent as a matter of choice.
  2. Some marriages are toxic, notwithstanding the best efforts of one or both spouses.
  3. Some marriages fail because of a failure of effort on the part of the spouses.
  4. A child raised by divorced parents who have a well thought out and well executed parenting plan is better off than a child raised by parents fettered to one another in a bad marriage.
  5. Children learn the tools of parenting by the example of their parents. Bad relationship habits are trans-generational. An abused or abusive parent usually raises a child destined to be abused or abusive.
  6. Marriages most often fail along the fault lines of finance. The second most likely cause of failure is one partner’s belief that the other partner has the responsibility for happiness in the marriage. Failures in either or both of these two primary areas leads to the casting of blame upon the partner, disgust for the partner, and a sense of suffocating incarceration in the relationship.

There is more that 35+ years in the practice of law has revealed, but you get the point.

Early in my career I came to disagree with the most common symbol of marriage, that being two permanently interlocked circles. I found the symbolism flawed because marriage is not permanent. Also, marriage (good or bad) changes people. The symbolic circles retain their pre-joined shapes in spite of the reality that people flex and shape to accommodate the other person and the demands of their partnership.

I believe that a more appropriate symbol is that of two flexible intertwined loops that create a strong yet severable bond. The loops are not broken in order to be joined and need not be broken in order to be separated. They retain their basic nature but must change their shape in order to be joined and accommodate the shared connection. In addition to our wedding rings, my wife and I wear rings that I designed over 30 years ago. On the face of these rings, against the background of a Templar Cross, is this well-worn symbol that I believe more accurately reflects the cooperation, respect, and continuing commitment to the work of marriage.

Peace Everyone. Pete

Cash or Credit?

Posted on by Pete Schloss

There has been much talk lately about society moving toward a cashless economy. Some European countries such as Sweden and Switzerland have very nearly accomplished this. Without meaning to, I have been contributing to this transition. With the advent of “rewards cards” I charge virtually every bill and purchase. The 2% cashback “reward” far exceeds the paltry interest that savings or checking accounts generate today. Of course, I always pay the monthly balance off in full, and I rarely carry more than $20 on my person.

I recently traveled to visit my Mother in Illinois. Shortly after my arrival I received an email notice of a very large unauthorized charge to my credit card. I called the card company and notified them of the potential fraud. The current card was immediately suspended, and I was assured that new cards were being rushed to me and would arrive in 3 days. The problem was that the cards would arrive in Kansas City and I was 480 miles away near Chicago.

I checked my wallet and true to form there was only one crisp $20 bill… enough to get me MOST of the way back home. Fortunately, I had a debit card that I never use buried in my wallet. I even had to call Christine to get the PIN. The first ATM I stopped at grabbed my card and would not let it go. The machine made a sickening chewing sound that I feared was the nether end of my card being consumed. After a few very anxious minutes the ATM displayed a message that it was out of cash. It then politely invited me to retrieve my card. I wasted no time and later found another ATM that was more accommodating to my needs.

Cash flush, I had the opportunity to consider the plight that could have been mine. I would have been forced to swallow my pride and beg a loan from my 92-year-old Mother. Horrid! The thought of a reprise of these events in the middle of our trip to Europe was even more terror inspiring. I called the credit card and applied for a second separate account. They were happy to oblige and thus the two “backup cards” are now on their way to us.

The lesson in all of this is that the abandonment of currency is not without its perils. Cash deserves more credit.

Peace Everyone. Pete