Category: Soapbox

Friends, Neighbors, and Dog Whistles

Posted on by Pete Schloss

(The image above is of our 15-year-old granddaughter, Delaney, who donated 20 quilts that she made over the last year to the infants in the NICU of Kansas City’s Childrens Mercy Hospital.) 

Doug Pimm was a supervisor at the Missouri State Probation and Parole office where I began my first post-college job. He was hard spoken and gruff. He was also an ordained Episcopal Priest who traded his New York parish for a “more captive audience” in the Missouri Department of Corrections.

When you got beneath his rough-cut exterior, Doug deeply cared for people, among them his officers and the offenders we supervised. By the way, Doug married Christine and me. His price was a Wilson 2000 aluminum tennis racquet. In 1977 that was about all we could afford.

Doug once told me that real friends are rare. To Doug, real friends are the people who will drop everything to give you aid. He said that most people can number their real friends on one hand. By Doug’s metric I am blessed. Discounting for the impediments of geography, I count many of you as my true friends, more than I can count on my fingers and my toes.

The “Good Samaritan” gave aid to a stranger, not a “friend”, but a neighbor. Christianity is not the only major religion to recognize the importance of reaching out and giving aid to one’s neighbor. Nor is it the first religion to do so. Virtually all religions recognize the imperative of seeing the humanity in each of us.

The political and religious gulf that existed between the Jews and Samaritans was a canyon that made our current “culture wars” look paltry by comparison, and made Democrats and Republicans look like fraternal twins.

Christ intentionally chose the Samaritan as the giver of aid to a stranger, a Jew. The Samaritan had full knowledge of the religious/political identity of this stranger, yet humanity made the Jew his “neighbor”.

My friends and neighbors include, Republicans and Democrats, Right to Lifers and proponents of Reproductive Choice, the spiritually oriented and atheists, Gay, Straight, Trans… My friends would not qualify their assistance to me on my stand with regard to these modern-day controversies.

I suspect that most know where I stand on these and many other issues, but I resist throwing my beliefs in anyone’s face. I know that I won’t change any minds by my words, but I might by my example.

Social media is a wonderful tool for keeping in touch with friends. Unfortunately, it is also a megaphone that magnifies the latest “dog-whistle” in the news cycle grossly out of proportion to the actual importance of the issue in our everyday lives. Draw attention not to our differences, but to our similarities. The former already has countless voices (usually raised in anger), it is the latter that cries quietly to be recognized. I am not suggesting silence about your opinions, just suggesting you offer thoughtfully given information, not an incitement adding to controversy.

I am asking you, my friends and “neighbors”, to resist the urge to jump on and parrot the latest “dog-whistle” call to arms. Most often the expression of righteous indignation is someone else’s and we are enlisted to magnify that indignation for their benefit, not ours. Look among your friends and neighbors who are of a different political party, a different religion, a different race, a different nationality, a different sexual orientation, and ask yourself, “If they were in need, would I withhold my aid based upon the differences in our beliefs?”

Christine and I live on the corner of a busy intersection in the city. It is a rare month that there is not at least one collision at this intersection. Upon hearing a crash, Christine is among the first on the scene to offer assistance, whether that is by calling 911, directing traffic, or inviting the often shaken but mobile drivers into our home. She doesn’t try to first determine who was “at fault”, and certainly doesn’t ask about their socio-political stand on the latest controversies cycling in the news.

Follow her example. Peace everyone. Pete

Written at Kansas City, July 30, 2024.

PS. Here is an update on my condition: I had an MRI of my spine on Sunday evening. There was much confirmation based upon the nature and severity of my pain. Varying degrees of deterioration of certain vertebrae, most serious in the lower back. There were also a couple of surprises. A couple of bulging disks and a cyst protruding into the spinal column.

On Monday morning I had a lumbar epidural injection of steroid medication. It went well and later that day I experienced significant relief. Today minor pain has resurfaced, but nothing like my recent experience which verged upon debilitating. This is the next step in a conservative treatment approach. We shall see if the benefit lasts.

In the meantime, Christine and I are off to Colorado for most of the month of August. I have ordered a log splitter that is to be delivered on Monday. Britton is accompanying us for just next week to lend a hand. We laid up an impressive supply of firewood that awaits our efforts to split it.

Pete

 

 

Grandalf the Wise

Posted on by Pete Schloss

 

Dear Christine, Renee, Friends and Followers.

My intention has been to take the posts and photographs of our journey in Spain and render them into a book to give to Britton. I don’t believe the book would be complete without some “Grandfatherly” advice:

Dear Britton.

It has been a little more than a week since we returned to Kansas City from Spain, and today was your first football practice. The rest of the team has been practicing while you were gone. You feared they would be mad at you for “skipping out”. Against your wishes, your mom made you go.

As we predicted, you were enthusiastically welcomed by your coaches and teammates. You also “kicked ass” at the team drills and sprints. After I learned of all this, I sent you a text, “Hey Mr. B. I understand you were greeted by your coach and team as the conquering hero returned from Spain! Congratulations… it’s what I predicted. Love, Grandpa.”

“Love you too. I didn’t think it would turn out like that.” was your reply. To which I then added, “With age comes wisdom!”

Finally, you exclaimed: “Okay Gandalf!!” and followed with a couple of smiley faces.

I will take this exchange as my license to speak to you as your very own “Grandalf”.

I don’t know whether you will be reading this at age 15, 25, 50 or beyond. I don’t know whether you will be sharing it with your child or grandchild. As I write this at age 72, I am mindful that these words and the telling in this book of our adventure together in Spain will long outlive me. I hope that the power of my advice does too.

You are an amazing person. Kind, thoughtful, caring, and so very capable of anything you put your mind to. (Here you must say “Thank you”. Remember, every compliment is a gift!) You also tend to be unsure of yourself, presuming others won’t think you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough… Britton, you ARE good enough, strong enough, smart enough! Do not let your insecurity become a self-fulfilling prophecy. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!! I believe in you, your Grandmother believes in you, your Mom believes in you, as does anyone who knows you.

Britton, don’t be seduced into believing that adventure is what someone else experiences and then posts on social media. You are fresh back from a REAL adventure, not one made up for video courtesy of big financial sponsors and a huge support crew hidden in the background. It is also not your first adventure that I have witnessed: I watched with tears of pride as your Lacross team descend upon you at the end of the season’s final game. “Brick Wall Benscoter!” they called out… a team that had not won a game until you took the post of goalie in the last 5 games, winning 4 out of 5 of those matches! That’s a REAL adventure.

Opportunities present themselves, often when we least expect them. It is you who must recognize them and act upon them, seizing opportunity and creating your own adventures. I know this because it is how my life has played out.

Adventure is not only hair raising, adrenaline pumping, edge of your seat excitement. Adventure can be the challenge of doing well on a test, achieving a goal at work, getting recognition for a job well done, or even having an attractive “someone” agree to go out with you on a date.

Often, what you want is located on the other side of things you don’t like. You have spoken of several ambitions that you hold. Just as often you have mentioned some things that you don’t particularly like, such as reading, studying, and commitments to long term educational programs. To achieve your goals you will need to embrace and power through some of those things you don’t like. You may find that once you aggressively tackle what you don’t like, your success will bring with it a liking for that thing. This too is “adventure”, the adventure of discovering what you are capable of.

Over 30 years ago I decided that I would never leave unsaid what I considered the most important advice to my children. You have heard me speak these words countess times. I will repeat them here as my final offering to you:

Have Fun. Because life and your pursuit of it should be fun.

Do Good. (Two things) Do what is right, and Do your best.

and Be Safe for the sake of those who love you… as I do.

Peace Britton, Grandpa. (aka, Grandalf the Wise!)

 

Denial and Acceptance. Burgos, Spain.

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Dear Christine, Renee’, Family, and Followers.

“ God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change…”

Some of you have sensed an undercurrent in my posts. Reading between the lines you have reached out to me to see if I am OK.

First of all, thank you for your concern. Secondly, I am not OK. I have done my best to put a publicly optimistic and positive spin on our experience. The brave front began crumbling more than a week ago. It collapsed about three days ago.

I reached out to Christine and Renee’ and told them that I could not go any further. The morning pain, leg spasms, and limitations on movement have become extreme. I have seen how it has become unsettling for Britton to see my struggle. One morning he voiced, “It’s getting worse isn’t it Grandpa. Are you going to have to have surgery?”

This is not just a matter of listening to my body, but also of being responsible for the care of my Grandson.

…”the courage to change the things I can…”

I have secured 1st class train tickets from Burgos to Barcelona. We depart Thursday afternoon for the 6 hour trip. We have a hotel room reserved at the airport. I was able to cancel our pre-arranged accommodations in Santiago and Barcelona without charge.

I was able to exchange out July 15th tickets to visit the Sagrada Familia for June 28th tickets. This despite the tickets originally being non-refundable and non-modifiable.

Christine was able to change our return flight from July to this weekend. Somehow she got us upgraded from Premium Select seats to 1st Class/Delta One. The seats make into beds. The upgrade cost… $35 for each of us. Christine is a magician.

…”and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

It has been said that with age comes wisdom. Perhaps. In my case with age comes a well used and occasionally abused spine. That is the price of a life well lived.

Pilgrimage in general and the Camino in particular is first and foremost a journey, not just a destination.

Britton and I have shared a remarkable time together, almost a month in France and Spain.

I have witnessed him rapidly grow into full partnership with me on the Camino. He and I have covered nearly 300km together. Most exciting for me is to hear him voice his desire and intention to return and complete the journey, perhaps with his Mother and one or more siblings. He has become a real Peregrino, a 15 year old Camino zealot.

I am at peace with my decision and I have no regrets. Everything that is truly important has been achieved. The seeds of pilgrimage have been planted. How they grow, how they mature, and what fruit is finally harvested are matters that were never in my hands.

Love to all of you. Peace. Pete.

The Goldilocks Day. Santo Domingo Del La Calzada

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Dear Christine and Renee’.

Today was a Goldilocks day: Not too hot, not too cold, not too far, not too short, not too sunny, not too cloudy. It was just right.

For vast stretches of the walk today we could see lines of pilgrims ahead and behind us.

This was mostly farmland with no fountains or significant rest spots in between the start and finish of the day.

One exception was a man who had set up a stand for refreshments, accepting donations for his offerings.

Another exception was walking into the town which had been developed as a golf resort community. When we were here in 2013 it was largely vacant… a ghost town. Today there were a few golfers, but most of the buildings were still uninhabited.

Our Polish friends have gone ahead, Kasia to Burgos, where she will be resting her tendinitis, and Witek to the next town beyond us.

We walked much of a day with a very friendly young Spanish woman, Rocío.

She has spent the last 8 years working in Yorkshire, England, and thus speaks good English. She was a delight!.

Our rooms for the night are courtesy of a community of Cisterciense Nuns.

The simple but spotless room was likely an accommodation for two sisters in the past. A crucifix looks over us from above the beds.The facility has been converted to a simple pilgrims hotel. Our room with dinner and breakfast totaled €100. Dinner is tonight after Mass in the Cathedral.

Britton and I toured the Cathedral, the Cathedral, Museum, and Crypt where Santo Domingo is laid to rest.

Most fascinating to us was the Bell Tower which is the tallest in the province, the tower clock which is the oldest working one in the province, and the magnificent bells which overlook the city.

We were standing under the bells when they tolled 5 o’clock.

My ears are still ringing and it’s not just tinnitus!

.
.

There is a minor controversy on the Camino. It has long been the case that a pilgrim walking the last 100 km is entitled to Compostela, as is a bicyclist or horseman who ride the last 200 km. These days electric bicycles have become very popular.

I estimate that half of the bicycles we see proceeding to Santiago with packs are electrically assisted.

Should they be entitled to Compostela? Therein lies the controversy. Britton’s thoughts, of which I tend to agree, are that a bicycle (electric or not) is not different than a horse which transports the rider. He votes that the e-bikes should qualify.

Britton and I have begun transporting our packs each day. In my case it is a matter of preservation given the pain in my back each morning. With Britton it is just a matter of fairness on my part.

As we near Burgos and our transport to Leon I am becoming sensitive to another controversy, what qualifies as a “real pilgrim“. Perhaps it is my imagination, but I think that I have sensed some silent disapproval from a pilgrim here and there.

Do you remember “Pat“ from New York who in 2013 voiced that a “real pilgrim“ does not transport their pack and walks every step of the way. About halfway to Santiago we observed her transporting by taxi cab! Perhaps that was a bit of karma.

Thank you for arranging the appointments with the orthopedic physician, massage therapist, and Chiropractor the day after our return. I hope that there is something that can be done to alleviate this difficulty. 72 years and my family genetics are definitely catching up to me.

Tomorrow is a long day, but the weather looks to still favor us. I understand that Kansas City is suffering under a terrible heat wave. Please stay cool and take good care of yourselves.

Love you both. Peace. Dad

The view from our room tonight:

Foreword to Volume 8

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Some of you are aware that I periodically assemble and print my posts into large format full color books. These are not for general distribution but are given to our children (and to our parents when they were alive) as a record of our post-retirement lives.

I am currently working on the 8th Volume, A “Speedbump” in Our Retirement Highway, We Pause to Face Mortality. When completed these 8 books will total over 1,500 pages. Whether or not appreciated during our life, I am more assured that they will be cherished when we are gone. Normally the “Foreword” to each volume is not shared publicly. However, I thought it appropriate to share this one:

Foreword to Volume 8

Dear Children, Grandchildren, and someday Great-Grandchildren.

At birth (actually a few months before birth), Fate assigns us a finite number of heartbeats. Rarely do we consider the “finite” in that statement as we blithely live our lives as if there will be no end. But the truth is that the number of heartbeats is ever in decline and will never be more than the beat that is occurring at this second.

About 35 years ago a routine annual physical and blood test revealed that I had a significant genetic condition that would end my life within 5 years. There was no cure.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross declared that there are 5 stages of grief and dying: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I was not in denial as I accepted the diagnosis and started notifying family members and co-workers. However, my thoughts and actions were purely from my head and not my heart. The emotional fallout had not yet occurred.

I elected to get a second opinion and found that the University of Utah specialized in testing for the diagnosed condition. They forwarded testing vials and instructions and I arranged for the blood to be drawn through my doctor’s office.

The return of test results took about a month. It was a month that found me and Christine contemplating a more limited life going forward, with me suffering a steady decline in health, activity, ability, and ultimately an early death. There were discussions about life in family Schloss without me. Still, the discussions were largely “academic” and not at a gut emotional level, but they were moving in that direction.

Even with a perceived future that would not see me to age 50, the finiteness of life did not grip my soul. Oh, the results of the special blood test from the University of Utah established that the first test was a false positive. Life was still finite, but I again had license to pretend otherwise. So it goes.

Fast forward to 2023. The year began with the excitement of travel and shared experiences with Christine, family, and friends. The year ended in much the same way. However, between those highpoints there was a very deep and dark valley.

I voluntarily underwent surgery on June 2nd to treat a worsening life-long tremor. An electrode was implanted in my brain, connected to a device in my chest that would counter the erratic nerve impulses issuing from the thalamus on the left side of my brain. By all accounts the surgery went well and I was released from the hospital the following day.

On June 7th I suffered a sudden hemorrhage in the left hemisphere thalamus of my brain. I found myself immediately confronted with the inability to walk and talk as most people do. Unlike my response to the false diagnosis of 35 years past, on June 7th the horizon of my life had suddenly shrunk to “now”. The future was concealed by an impenetrable mist of the unknown. It was terrifying. Sleep often eluded me as I lay in bed feeling the walls and ceiling closing in on me. At times I felt the air being sucked out of the room. These were physical manifestations of the emotional shock I was enduring. Through it all Christine was a master of calm and understanding. She accepted me wholly as I was regardless of whether this was who I would now always be.

Unlike 35 years ago, the emotional impact I suffered in June, 2023 did not allow for any “what if” discussions. We were too consumed with the immediate confrontation of our mortality. “In sickness and in health… until death do us part” were no longer vague insubstantial promises that looked infinitely into the future, they were the definition of our “now”.

As you will see in these posts, there was a silver lining. The surgeon explained that a brain bleed is a rare complication of the surgery, but in her considerable experience it only occurs at or near the time of the operation, never 5 days post-surgery.

There was more. I not only recovered from the brain hemorrhage, but as the result of the brain bleed the activation of the DBS (Deep Brain Stimulation) controller has thus far proven unnecessary. The hemorrhage and its effect on that portion of my brain which is the source of my tremors has significantly reduced the shaking in my dominant hand. Again, this was unique to my neuro-surgeon’s experience. This was the beneficial result hoped for from implant surgery and activation of the DBS controller on June 2nd, just not in the way that anyone could have foreseen.

I now know the difference between confronting mortality with one’s head versus one’s heart. I also know the incalculable value of having a partner at my side who embraces without hesitation the words of our marriage vows. I pray that each of you have such good fortune and love in your life, lives counting down one heartbeat at a time…

Love, Your Dad, Grandpa, and perhaps someday Your Great Grandfather.