Category: Soapbox

Having THAT Discussion

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Surgery on my lower back is scheduled for this coming Monday. I expect to be on the table for at least 4 hours. A robot will be involved. I am no stranger to the surgeon’s knife having previously undergone surgery on right foot, left foot, right knee, both shoulders, and brain surgery in June of 2023. This is not a resume I wish to further develop.

I have come to think of surgery as analogous to taking one’s car to the dealership for a major repair. You entrust your car/body to the care of (hopefully!) an expert and skilled mechanic/surgeon, expecting to receive it back in proper working order. In each case there is usually sticker shock, “How could it cost THAT much?!!” One difference is that the car dealer often provides you with a loaner car. Maybe the day will come when surgeons provide a “loaner body”. For now, the anesthesiologist turns off your consciousness and puts it on the shelf awaiting instructions to reactivate you. Where do we go in the meantime? That is a question for poets, philosophers, and perhaps at one time Timothy Leary:

“Whenever in doubt, turn off your mind, relax, float downstream.”

I came upon another quote by Leary that has absolutely nothing to do with this essay, but that I feel compelled to share: “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

Yesterday Christine and I had the “What If…” discussion. We have done so before the other surgeries, before the 4 times I sailed on a 45-foot sailboat over a thousand miles offshore in the Atlantic, and on other occasions that “what if…” became an uncomfortably real consideration.

There is the practical side to the talk: How to get into my computer, where passwords are stored, what bills are not on autopay, decisions to be made regarding investments, Social Security, and Medicare…

There is the “Last Wishes” part: Cremation not burial, a “celebration of life” not a funeral, Yes, beer-wine-liquor-music and fun, (renting banquet space at the Boulevard Brewery would work). No tears! Which special mementos to which child/grandchild…

…and then there is the important part: What Christine, my family, and you my friends have meant to me, what I wish for my children/grandchildren, and gratitude…

Whatever I endured in any past life, (again, a question for poets, philosophers, and perhaps Timothy Leary reincarnated) this life has been a reward. In looking back on the pages of my life I see that every chapter has been full of choices, decisions, and outcomes that turned out better than I had a right to expect.

I have every reason to believe that Monday, after the surgeon completes the repairs on my body and the anesthesiologist restores my consciousness, the physical healing will begin. However, if something doesn’t go as planned I want to make sure that everyone knows that I have lived a storied life, and I leave it with nothing but gratitude. For each of you I hold the wish that you Have Fun (because life should be fun), Do Good (as in your best and what is right), and Be Safe (for the sake of those who love you).

Peace Everyone. Pete

PS. From my earliest years I’ve been aware of the impermanence of life. Some might consider such thinking morbid. When I was in elementary school I was an avid reader of adventure fiction, both classics and contemporary. My “prayers” then included the wish that I not die until I finished the most recent book.

I am currently reading “A Trick of the Light” by Louise Penny. It is the sixth book in the Armand Gamache detective series and I hope to finish it before next Monday. However, I wanted to give a strong recommendation to this exceptional series of novels. The plot surprises, character development, and the presentation of the fictional Canadian village of “Three Pines” are superb. While each book centers upon solving a murder mystery, the various side plots are a study in human nature, love, loss, and so much more. I look forward to continuing the next volumes.

60+ years ago a very young Peter Schloss would have gone to bed saying, “God please let me finish this book before…”

Written at Kansas City, Missouri, September 23, 2024  

Original “tatting” (a form of lace-making) by my friend, Wendy Mejia, https://www.etsy.com/shop/WooWorks3

Friends, Neighbors, and Dog Whistles

Posted on by Pete Schloss

(The image above is of our 15-year-old granddaughter, Delaney, who donated 20 quilts that she made over the last year to the infants in the NICU of Kansas City’s Childrens Mercy Hospital.) 

Doug Pimm was a supervisor at the Missouri State Probation and Parole office where I began my first post-college job. He was hard spoken and gruff. He was also an ordained Episcopal Priest who traded his New York parish for a “more captive audience” in the Missouri Department of Corrections.

When you got beneath his rough-cut exterior, Doug deeply cared for people, among them his officers and the offenders we supervised. By the way, Doug married Christine and me. His price was a Wilson 2000 aluminum tennis racquet. In 1977 that was about all we could afford.

Doug once told me that real friends are rare. To Doug, real friends are the people who will drop everything to give you aid. He said that most people can number their real friends on one hand. By Doug’s metric I am blessed. Discounting for the impediments of geography, I count many of you as my true friends, more than I can count on my fingers and my toes.

The “Good Samaritan” gave aid to a stranger, not a “friend”, but a neighbor. Christianity is not the only major religion to recognize the importance of reaching out and giving aid to one’s neighbor. Nor is it the first religion to do so. Virtually all religions recognize the imperative of seeing the humanity in each of us.

The political and religious gulf that existed between the Jews and Samaritans was a canyon that made our current “culture wars” look paltry by comparison, and made Democrats and Republicans look like fraternal twins.

Christ intentionally chose the Samaritan as the giver of aid to a stranger, a Jew. The Samaritan had full knowledge of the religious/political identity of this stranger, yet humanity made the Jew his “neighbor”.

My friends and neighbors include, Republicans and Democrats, Right to Lifers and proponents of Reproductive Choice, the spiritually oriented and atheists, Gay, Straight, Trans… My friends would not qualify their assistance to me on my stand with regard to these modern-day controversies.

I suspect that most know where I stand on these and many other issues, but I resist throwing my beliefs in anyone’s face. I know that I won’t change any minds by my words, but I might by my example.

Social media is a wonderful tool for keeping in touch with friends. Unfortunately, it is also a megaphone that magnifies the latest “dog-whistle” in the news cycle grossly out of proportion to the actual importance of the issue in our everyday lives. Draw attention not to our differences, but to our similarities. The former already has countless voices (usually raised in anger), it is the latter that cries quietly to be recognized. I am not suggesting silence about your opinions, just suggesting you offer thoughtfully given information, not an incitement adding to controversy.

I am asking you, my friends and “neighbors”, to resist the urge to jump on and parrot the latest “dog-whistle” call to arms. Most often the expression of righteous indignation is someone else’s and we are enlisted to magnify that indignation for their benefit, not ours. Look among your friends and neighbors who are of a different political party, a different religion, a different race, a different nationality, a different sexual orientation, and ask yourself, “If they were in need, would I withhold my aid based upon the differences in our beliefs?”

Christine and I live on the corner of a busy intersection in the city. It is a rare month that there is not at least one collision at this intersection. Upon hearing a crash, Christine is among the first on the scene to offer assistance, whether that is by calling 911, directing traffic, or inviting the often shaken but mobile drivers into our home. She doesn’t try to first determine who was “at fault”, and certainly doesn’t ask about their socio-political stand on the latest controversies cycling in the news.

Follow her example. Peace everyone. Pete

Written at Kansas City, July 30, 2024.

PS. Here is an update on my condition: I had an MRI of my spine on Sunday evening. There was much confirmation based upon the nature and severity of my pain. Varying degrees of deterioration of certain vertebrae, most serious in the lower back. There were also a couple of surprises. A couple of bulging disks and a cyst protruding into the spinal column.

On Monday morning I had a lumbar epidural injection of steroid medication. It went well and later that day I experienced significant relief. Today minor pain has resurfaced, but nothing like my recent experience which verged upon debilitating. This is the next step in a conservative treatment approach. We shall see if the benefit lasts.

In the meantime, Christine and I are off to Colorado for most of the month of August. I have ordered a log splitter that is to be delivered on Monday. Britton is accompanying us for just next week to lend a hand. We laid up an impressive supply of firewood that awaits our efforts to split it.

Pete

 

 

Grandalf the Wise

Posted on by Pete Schloss

 

Dear Christine, Renee, Friends and Followers.

My intention has been to take the posts and photographs of our journey in Spain and render them into a book to give to Britton. I don’t believe the book would be complete without some “Grandfatherly” advice:

Dear Britton.

It has been a little more than a week since we returned to Kansas City from Spain, and today was your first football practice. The rest of the team has been practicing while you were gone. You feared they would be mad at you for “skipping out”. Against your wishes, your mom made you go.

As we predicted, you were enthusiastically welcomed by your coaches and teammates. You also “kicked ass” at the team drills and sprints. After I learned of all this, I sent you a text, “Hey Mr. B. I understand you were greeted by your coach and team as the conquering hero returned from Spain! Congratulations… it’s what I predicted. Love, Grandpa.”

“Love you too. I didn’t think it would turn out like that.” was your reply. To which I then added, “With age comes wisdom!”

Finally, you exclaimed: “Okay Gandalf!!” and followed with a couple of smiley faces.

I will take this exchange as my license to speak to you as your very own “Grandalf”.

I don’t know whether you will be reading this at age 15, 25, 50 or beyond. I don’t know whether you will be sharing it with your child or grandchild. As I write this at age 72, I am mindful that these words and the telling in this book of our adventure together in Spain will long outlive me. I hope that the power of my advice does too.

You are an amazing person. Kind, thoughtful, caring, and so very capable of anything you put your mind to. (Here you must say “Thank you”. Remember, every compliment is a gift!) You also tend to be unsure of yourself, presuming others won’t think you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough… Britton, you ARE good enough, strong enough, smart enough! Do not let your insecurity become a self-fulfilling prophecy. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!! I believe in you, your Grandmother believes in you, your Mom believes in you, as does anyone who knows you.

Britton, don’t be seduced into believing that adventure is what someone else experiences and then posts on social media. You are fresh back from a REAL adventure, not one made up for video courtesy of big financial sponsors and a huge support crew hidden in the background. It is also not your first adventure that I have witnessed: I watched with tears of pride as your Lacross team descend upon you at the end of the season’s final game. “Brick Wall Benscoter!” they called out… a team that had not won a game until you took the post of goalie in the last 5 games, winning 4 out of 5 of those matches! That’s a REAL adventure.

Opportunities present themselves, often when we least expect them. It is you who must recognize them and act upon them, seizing opportunity and creating your own adventures. I know this because it is how my life has played out.

Adventure is not only hair raising, adrenaline pumping, edge of your seat excitement. Adventure can be the challenge of doing well on a test, achieving a goal at work, getting recognition for a job well done, or even having an attractive “someone” agree to go out with you on a date.

Often, what you want is located on the other side of things you don’t like. You have spoken of several ambitions that you hold. Just as often you have mentioned some things that you don’t particularly like, such as reading, studying, and commitments to long term educational programs. To achieve your goals you will need to embrace and power through some of those things you don’t like. You may find that once you aggressively tackle what you don’t like, your success will bring with it a liking for that thing. This too is “adventure”, the adventure of discovering what you are capable of.

Over 30 years ago I decided that I would never leave unsaid what I considered the most important advice to my children. You have heard me speak these words countess times. I will repeat them here as my final offering to you:

Have Fun. Because life and your pursuit of it should be fun.

Do Good. (Two things) Do what is right, and Do your best.

and Be Safe for the sake of those who love you… as I do.

Peace Britton, Grandpa. (aka, Grandalf the Wise!)

 

Denial and Acceptance. Burgos, Spain.

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Dear Christine, Renee’, Family, and Followers.

“ God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change…”

Some of you have sensed an undercurrent in my posts. Reading between the lines you have reached out to me to see if I am OK.

First of all, thank you for your concern. Secondly, I am not OK. I have done my best to put a publicly optimistic and positive spin on our experience. The brave front began crumbling more than a week ago. It collapsed about three days ago.

I reached out to Christine and Renee’ and told them that I could not go any further. The morning pain, leg spasms, and limitations on movement have become extreme. I have seen how it has become unsettling for Britton to see my struggle. One morning he voiced, “It’s getting worse isn’t it Grandpa. Are you going to have to have surgery?”

This is not just a matter of listening to my body, but also of being responsible for the care of my Grandson.

…”the courage to change the things I can…”

I have secured 1st class train tickets from Burgos to Barcelona. We depart Thursday afternoon for the 6 hour trip. We have a hotel room reserved at the airport. I was able to cancel our pre-arranged accommodations in Santiago and Barcelona without charge.

I was able to exchange out July 15th tickets to visit the Sagrada Familia for June 28th tickets. This despite the tickets originally being non-refundable and non-modifiable.

Christine was able to change our return flight from July to this weekend. Somehow she got us upgraded from Premium Select seats to 1st Class/Delta One. The seats make into beds. The upgrade cost… $35 for each of us. Christine is a magician.

…”and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

It has been said that with age comes wisdom. Perhaps. In my case with age comes a well used and occasionally abused spine. That is the price of a life well lived.

Pilgrimage in general and the Camino in particular is first and foremost a journey, not just a destination.

Britton and I have shared a remarkable time together, almost a month in France and Spain.

I have witnessed him rapidly grow into full partnership with me on the Camino. He and I have covered nearly 300km together. Most exciting for me is to hear him voice his desire and intention to return and complete the journey, perhaps with his Mother and one or more siblings. He has become a real Peregrino, a 15 year old Camino zealot.

I am at peace with my decision and I have no regrets. Everything that is truly important has been achieved. The seeds of pilgrimage have been planted. How they grow, how they mature, and what fruit is finally harvested are matters that were never in my hands.

Love to all of you. Peace. Pete.

The Goldilocks Day. Santo Domingo Del La Calzada

Posted on by Pete Schloss

Dear Christine and Renee’.

Today was a Goldilocks day: Not too hot, not too cold, not too far, not too short, not too sunny, not too cloudy. It was just right.

For vast stretches of the walk today we could see lines of pilgrims ahead and behind us.

This was mostly farmland with no fountains or significant rest spots in between the start and finish of the day.

One exception was a man who had set up a stand for refreshments, accepting donations for his offerings.

Another exception was walking into the town which had been developed as a golf resort community. When we were here in 2013 it was largely vacant… a ghost town. Today there were a few golfers, but most of the buildings were still uninhabited.

Our Polish friends have gone ahead, Kasia to Burgos, where she will be resting her tendinitis, and Witek to the next town beyond us.

We walked much of a day with a very friendly young Spanish woman, Rocío.

She has spent the last 8 years working in Yorkshire, England, and thus speaks good English. She was a delight!.

Our rooms for the night are courtesy of a community of Cisterciense Nuns.

The simple but spotless room was likely an accommodation for two sisters in the past. A crucifix looks over us from above the beds.The facility has been converted to a simple pilgrims hotel. Our room with dinner and breakfast totaled €100. Dinner is tonight after Mass in the Cathedral.

Britton and I toured the Cathedral, the Cathedral, Museum, and Crypt where Santo Domingo is laid to rest.

Most fascinating to us was the Bell Tower which is the tallest in the province, the tower clock which is the oldest working one in the province, and the magnificent bells which overlook the city.

We were standing under the bells when they tolled 5 o’clock.

My ears are still ringing and it’s not just tinnitus!

.
.

There is a minor controversy on the Camino. It has long been the case that a pilgrim walking the last 100 km is entitled to Compostela, as is a bicyclist or horseman who ride the last 200 km. These days electric bicycles have become very popular.

I estimate that half of the bicycles we see proceeding to Santiago with packs are electrically assisted.

Should they be entitled to Compostela? Therein lies the controversy. Britton’s thoughts, of which I tend to agree, are that a bicycle (electric or not) is not different than a horse which transports the rider. He votes that the e-bikes should qualify.

Britton and I have begun transporting our packs each day. In my case it is a matter of preservation given the pain in my back each morning. With Britton it is just a matter of fairness on my part.

As we near Burgos and our transport to Leon I am becoming sensitive to another controversy, what qualifies as a “real pilgrim“. Perhaps it is my imagination, but I think that I have sensed some silent disapproval from a pilgrim here and there.

Do you remember “Pat“ from New York who in 2013 voiced that a “real pilgrim“ does not transport their pack and walks every step of the way. About halfway to Santiago we observed her transporting by taxi cab! Perhaps that was a bit of karma.

Thank you for arranging the appointments with the orthopedic physician, massage therapist, and Chiropractor the day after our return. I hope that there is something that can be done to alleviate this difficulty. 72 years and my family genetics are definitely catching up to me.

Tomorrow is a long day, but the weather looks to still favor us. I understand that Kansas City is suffering under a terrible heat wave. Please stay cool and take good care of yourselves.

Love you both. Peace. Dad

The view from our room tonight: