Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment…”

Once the pandemic is behind us get ready for the deluge of messages, “It wasn’t that bad… Fake news!.. Ours is the greatest health care system… Ordinary flu is much worse… Hospitals mishandled the PPE supplies…”

Peace Everyone. Pete

Our days of sheltering in place and complying with social distancing guidelines are following one upon the other. A pattern has emerged. Wake up, coffee, turn on the news… take in the latest infection and death counts, shower, dress, breakfast… For we who are retired it is not so difficult. We know that the same cannot be said for those who are not.

Some things are changing. Events and the news are taking on a more personal note. Last week a friend in Illinois suffered a non-covid health emergency that resulted in hospitalization. His issues resolved and he was back home in a couple of days, but not before he witnessed firsthand the war being fought by legions of health care workers. His admission was not covid related, but until his lack of infection could be confirmed he was presumed contagious. Hospital staff “suited up” whenever they entered his room, and upon leaving they disrobed and discarded the facemask, gloves, and gowns. It became obvious to my friend how hospitals are consuming and running short of personal protective equipment in the pursuit of patient care. These items are not “disappearing out some back door”.

Chaos and crisis surrounded my friend. With fatigue and fear in his eyes, a physician shared that he had personally attended 24 “code-blues”. The doctor wanted to get my friend out so that he did not become the 25th. “Pete, you can’t believe how bad it really is for them.”

Thankfully, the experiences that are close to home for us are not yet so dramatic. Our daily walks take us by a number of neighborhood shopping districts. They have become ghost towns.

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Where one once had to circle the block to find a parking space the streets are empty.

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Shops where we were once greeted by name are now locked, signs hinting that the question of reopening is not only one of when, but perhaps if.

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A recent visit to a store saw us waiting in line outside to enter as the number of customers inside was being limited. Wearing gloves and facemasks, Christine and I were in the majority. Surreal. Out in the parking lot a frustrated middle aged woman berated an older man for the “silliness” of his mask and gloves. She railed that it was all the result of fake news. “I don’t believe any of it!” were her parting words as she slammed her car door and drove off in disgust.

We live in Missouri, but just a few blocks west of our home is the state line that we share with Kansas. Earlier this week the Kansas Legislature overturned the Governor’s emergency declaration that had limited in-person gatherings, including church services, to 10 people. In recent days Kansas has experienced a sharp upsurge in infections and deaths with twelve new disease clusters, three of them directly related to church group activities. The Governor’s order, issued upon the urging of health experts, was decried by the Legislators as an extreme and overreaching attack upon religious rights and freedoms.

I am reminded of a modern-day Parable: A man is called to his door by a police officer, “Floods coming, we are urging you and your neighbors to leave your homes and seek higher ground.” The man shook his head and replied, “No sir, I put my faith in the Lord to protect me.” A little while later as the floodwaters began to cover the street a firetruck stopped in front of his home, “Sir, evacuate your home before it’s too late.” Again, his response was, “No sir, I put my faith in the Lord to protect me.” The waters continued to rise, reaching the top step of his porch. Resolute, he stood at his door as rescue personnel in a boat again implored him to join them to safety. Crossing his arms he glared, “Nope, you go on. I place my faith in the Lord!”… Eventually the man found himself sitting on the roof of his home, the still rising torrent had reached to the eves. A Coast Guard helicopter hovered above him and extended a line and harness down to him. Secure in his faith he shouted above the roar of the whirling blades, “Go away!! The Lord is protecting me!!!” (continued below)

Academy Lafayette (“AL”) is a charter elementary school here in Kansas City. It is noteworthy that its entire curriculum from kindergarten through the 8th grade is taught in French. Six of our grandchildren attend school there (five of them are in the same grade!). Kansas City schools, including AL, are closed due to the epidemic. The children are continuing their studies online by participating in daily virtual classes. Many of the less fortunate families rely upon the school to provide breakfast and lunches for their children. Unfortunately, virtual school does not provide virtual meals to fill the real stomachs of the food insecure.

As an “AL grandparent” Christine keeps informed of matters that concern the AL community.

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She learned that an AL parent, Meghan Downey who is an owner of the Kansas City restaurant Komatsu Ramen, had been soliciting food donations in order to provide breakfast and lunch groceries for the AL families in need.

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Because of covid-19 Komatsu Ramen is closed except for a limited carry-out business.

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Christine talked to Meghan. Food donations were still meeting the current need, however Meghan was desperately short of grocery sacks. She had resorted to using gift bags, but those too were at an end.

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Christine phoned Gary, a manager at the local Cosentino’s Brookside Market.

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Gary, who is an AL supporter, donated a bale of 300 grocery sacks which Christine and I delivered to a grateful Meghan Downey.

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(Back to the Parable): The flood waters continued to rise unabated and the man drowned. Standing before the Lord he desperately sought to understand… “Lord, my faith… I believed in you. I placed my trust in you. Why did you forsake me?” In judgment God replied, “I did not forsake you. I sent you a police officer. I sent you the firetruck… the boat… even a helicopter. In your arrogance you presumed to know my mind and you turned your back upon the help that I gave.”

Easter is a celebration of resurrection and redemption. It is not a celebration of architecture. It is not necessary to assemble inside a human wrought structure to obey the First of the two Great Commandments, and in light of the current contagion it is a violation of the Second of the two Great Commandments; “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”, when one intentionally risks the infection, illness, and possible death of oneself and ones neighbors.

In the above parable the Lord’s Salvation came in the form of a police officer, firefighters, a boat, and a helicopter. In real life today they are the physicians, nurses, and health care workers. They are grocery store clerks and a local store manager. They are a restauranteur… and my wife, Christine.
Peace Everyone. Pete

PS: We are an inventive society, even in the charity of our giving. Health care workers live in fear of bringing the covid infections home from the hospital to their loved ones. I learned from Meghan of “RVs for MDs”, a recent endeavor promoted on Facebook.

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RV Owners make temporary donations of their RVs for use at hospitals by critical care staff. In just a couple of weeks members of this Facebook group have come to number in the tens of thousands with hundreds of “matches” being made. The RV that Meghan’s father owns is now providing a temporary “home away from home” for staff at Research Hospital here in Kansas City. Apparently, in Meghan’s family charity doesn’t begin at home, it was learned at home.

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I celebrated my 68th birthday this past week. April 1st came 7 days on the heals of my Mother’s passing (March 24th). It would have been my first birthday in memory to have not received a card from her, however on April 1st I received in the mail 15 of her funeral home cards… enough for each of our children, grandchildren, and us. Not exactly a birthday card, but cards “from her” nonetheless.

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Her life left much to be grateful for, certainly more than enough to salve the wounds of grief. We were recipients of an outpouring of empathy, support and condolence. A week later the outpouring hit a second wind with congratulatory expressions for still drawing breath into my 68th year. In a time of isolation I have been the beneficiary of contacts from friends here and abroad, friends from my high school youth, my college days, my working years, our travels, and our community. I even enjoyed a lengthy telephone call with a high school friend with whom I had no contact for at least 45 years. It was as if time folded to connect then and now with nothing in between.

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In the 1990’s Christine and I hosted a number of foreign exchange students. In turn, our children were each exchange students and provided links for us to their overseas friends and families. We remain in touch with many of them and are still fondly referred to as “Mom and Dad”. They remain as dear to us as our children. The impact of the pandemic overseas takes on a personal note through their eyes. The societies that they live in face the same struggles that are presented to us in heartland America. Christine is fond of saying that these “children” put faces on far-off places.

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We have always been travelers, never allowing a year to go by without at least a 2 week vacation. In the early years we tent camped because that was what we could afford. Later, we saved for the occasional trip overseas. In retirement we have been “on the road” here and abroad almost half the time. With each venture we have expanded our world of friends… all are people we care about. The amount of time that we shared with each of them is not the measure of that caring. Be they our family, our local friends, an island innkeeper, couples met on a single night in Scotland, hikers on the Camino, passengers on a cruise ship, or campers we have shared a fire with, the connections remain as does our concern for each of them.

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A phrase that is now often repeated is “…in these uncertain times.” I smile. The times have always been “uncertain”. No day comes with a guarantee. The only thing that is certain is that the sun will rise and that it will set. Whether or not we are there to experience the day is and has always been uncertain. Some might say that there is a depressing fatalism in that thought. However, I find encouragement to “not put off until tomorrow the things you may then find you are unable to do”. I hope as a society these “uncertain times” bring that lesson home.

So much that we have taken for granted has now been put on hold. When the rush to return to “normal” occurs, I hope that all of us will consider which parts of “normal” are worth restoring. The pandemic was never “if it occurs”, only “when it occurs”. The efforts to plan that followed the pandemics of 1918, and the more recent Ebola and Swine flu epidemics, were all short lived. Here in the United States there has been an effort to enact universal health care since it was proposed at the dawn of the 20th Century by Theodore Roosevelt (a Republican). The closest that we have come to enacting it was the passage of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). From the day that legislation was passed there have been tireless efforts to repeal it. Unfortunately, the energy put into the repeal of the ACA has not been evident in any effort to replace it with something better.

There has been speculation that nine months hence there will be a mini-baby boom. Of this I have no doubt. I also have no doubt that the future holds a bankruptcy boom as well. Approximately 40 million Americans have no health insurance. Covid-19 does not isolate itself to just the insured. Even those who are insured likely face crushing deductibles that are occasioned by any emergency care or hospitalization. For the uninsured it will be much worse.

We look at the impact of covid-19 in Italy and Spain and now see that we are on the same dreaded trajectory. What is different, is that in those countries the cost of care will be carried universally as a basic social right. It is the same in all other developed countries. Only in the United States does healthcare remain the individual’s burden.
“It’s Socialism!” is the shouted warning. Yet what are our streets and roads, our navigable waterways, police and fire protection, elementary and secondary education, Social Security, Medicare…? Each of these are a part of the social contract that we embrace; things that we all contribute to and all universally benefit from. Why not health care.

Peace Everyone. Pete

PS: Climate change is real and no longer just the stuff of scientific theory. As with covid-19, if we wait until the point of critical then we will have waited too long, and it will be too late. In the meantime, Have Fun, Do Good, and Be Safe for the sake of those who love you… and of course wash your hands.

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The “dashboard” of my blog software allows me to see the countries where people are viewing my posts, typically 15 or more. I can’t tell who the readers are, but in the case of a few countries I have a pretty good idea… Philippines, Canada, the UK, Germany, France, Belgium, New Zealand, Australia, Jersey Island, Japan, Norway… to name a few that cause me to smile. I am clueless when I see Korea, China, India and a number of others.

The only way that I know with certainty that a post has been read by a particular individual is when they make a comment. Recently this comment caught me by surprise:
“I love the stories you tell. They are so persuading and realistic. My mom makes me read for an hour for home school, so I always choose your stories.” – Olive

Olive is 10 years old. We have known her, her parents, and her 13yo brother Liam since she was a toddler. Early on we happily assumed the role of their “adopted” grandparents, Papa Pete and Grandma Chris, including them in family gatherings and pictures.

The same day that Olive posted her comments (there were three of them) she sent me an email message, “Hi Pete, I sent you a comment and I just wanted to say I love your stories…” She added that she would like to talk. I called her Mother, Jenni, who was aware that Olive had reached out. Jenni said that Olive had some questions and just wanted to talk about some of the things that she had read. Olive was especially taken with the post, “Through a Child’s Eyes”. She discusses her readings with Jenni who shared with me a few of Olive’s reflections:

“Through a Child’s Eyes is how I really think. I agree with the description about time, especially about the birthdays. It’s really how time works for kids.”
“He says things I’ve never thought before, but he explains all the pictures and all the things that have happened in his life.”
“I like his blogs because it’s not thoughts I would think that he might say out loud… I wouldn’t know that he’s thinking those things…”

Wow… Olive, at 10 years old I would never have known that you were thinking those things either! Perhaps you have hit upon an idea for those like you who are spending so much time being homebound.

Jenni arranged a “Facetime” session which allowed for some real-time questions, answers, and just plain conversational catching up. Jenni added some insights about both children. Olive is a big helper at school and has the gift of foreseeing problems before they arise. She is in the 5th grade and loves to read. Mom requires an hour of reading each day from both children and Olive chooses “Papa Pete’s blog”. Liam is 13 and a huge “bookworm”, often reading mom’s novels and books when she has finished with them. He is a deep thinker. Big concepts and heavy topics are comfortable for him. Both children speak French fluently.

For her part, Jenni is thrilled that the writings are both informative and challenging for Olive. She absorbs the vocabulary and is excited to learn about new places and experiences.

I asked Jenni if it would be ok to feature Olive in a post. She and Olive were thrilled. I am thrilled to share something that is not about covid-19, the economy, or politics.
Recent news programs have highlighted teens endlessly partying away their Spring vacations, intoxicated and oblivious to the looming pandemic. The stories are deemed “newsworthy” because of the controversy and ire that they generate. However, Olive and her brother are the real story. They are examples of the millions of young people who are guided by parents who care… parents dedicated to raising thoughtful, moral, and well educated children. They are the next generation, the one that will have the tools and know-how to fix the problems that we have left them with.

Peace Everyone. Pete

PS. This post was the result of a comment posted by Olive. I read and enjoy every comment that readers make. Most readers remain silent, some of you comment but occasionally… a few of you regularly. My number one commentator was my 94 year old Mother, Pauline Schloss. She rarely missed an opportunity to throw in her “2 cents”. Mom was proud of me but in her eyes I remained her willful child. We clashed on politics, and she was ever concerned that I was too much the risk taker. She thought I should have been a teacher, to which I would reply, “No Mom, I’m a lawyer.” It’s funny how our impressions of others change but slowly. For most of my life Mom saw me as a bit of a spendthrift with a poorly developed work ethic. My posts provided her with fresh insights into me that she treasured. Mom died March 24th. Christine and I are grateful that we were able to spend time with her a few weeks ago when she was still her sharp and alert self. The day that we left her side she was transferred into the care of Hospice. Her decline to a peaceful and painless death rapidly followed. But for the pandemic related “social distancing”, her funeral would have drawn quite a crowd. As it is only 3 were permitted to attend her funeral Mass. I am at peace that Christine and I could not be among them. When things loosen up we will drive to her home near Chicago and retrieve some personal effects. I will take some time to sit by the final resting place of my Mother and Father, expressing my gratitude for everything and forgiving them for anything.

NBC, CBS, FOX, NPR… Our eyes are glued to a world caught in the grip of seismic change. For most there is anxiety, for some it rises to fear and even panic, others are fixed with disbelief and disgust. This is not a time given over to the more moderate and passive emotions. But what about the children. What does this life appear like through their eyes.

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Recall if you will life as a 7 year old. The first 2-3 years are a haze of dim recollections, virtually no solid memories. The entire conscious experience of that child is compressed into a span of 4 years. Through the eyes of that child it takes FOREVER until the next Easter, birthday, or Christmas arrives! Those events will have only occurred 4 times in her memory, only celebrated at that point every quarter of her lifetime.

Put into perspective: I will soon celebrate my 68th birthday. For me birthdays are separated by only 1/68th of my lifetime… only 1.5 percent of my life now passes each year. For the 7 year old a year feels nearly 17 times longer. When a 7 year old looks back to when he turned 6 it is the equivalent of me looking back to when I was 50. Imagine the span of time and the experiences that occurred from then until now and then understand that this is what 12 months presents for that 7 year old child.

We live in a time of uncertainty that will pass and then normalize within the next 1 or 2 years. However, for the children a year or two can permanently define a childhood.
A child wakes in the night gripped with fear. Clutching a blanket to her cheek she wanders uncertainly into her parent’s bedroom. “Mommy, I heard a noise and I think it came from under my bed.” The mother gently raises her head from the pillow and with the lilt of a knowing smile screams, “SNAKES, I KNEW IT!! THERE ARE SNAKES UNDER YOUR BED!!!”

Absurd? Isn’t that what we do when in the presence of our children we glue ourselves to every “Breaking News” story? Do our children have the capacity to understand the anger, frustration, and fear that their trusted adults mouth? There is another option.

Recently I have witnessed afternoons where children are taking walks with their parents. They play ball together in the yard. One gentleman was building a fire in his yard that might serve to toast marshmallows and perhaps make “Someores” this evening. Parents are listening to their children’s questions and answering them. Neighborhoods are being rediscovered by parents through the eyes of their children and children through the eyes of their parents. These fortunate children and their fortunate parents may remember this as a time when life went on hold and it was a gift that will be remembered and shared as… “I remember back when your great-grandfather and I…”

Peace Everyone. Pete

PS: I share this wonderful and timely bit of prose written by Kitty O’Meara:
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”

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