Written August 13, 2023. At Kansas City, Missouri.

I was recently engaged in a deep conversation with a good friend. The conversation wandered to a discussion of their loved one who had passed a few years ago. I was aware that theirs had been a close relationship yet tinged with some minor regrets. I asked, “Do you still feel any regrets over what you might have done differently for them?”

“Yes, I suppose that I still do.” To which I responded, “When do you think you will grant yourself resolution?” (Or is it absolution?)

“Maybe never” came the too quick response. Clearly, my friend had grown comfortable with the small regret still held.

I found myself wondering if there is anything positive in holding a regret and not granting oneself resolution.

It occurs to me that with resolution comes closure, an end to the unfinished business, time to move on. Holding on to a regret may be one away of not letting go and holding the departed close in one’s thoughts and feelings.

Just a thought.

Peace Everyone. Pete


31 thoughts on “Regrets and Resolution

  1. Mary Grimaldi says:

    Tom & I were having dinner at Rudy’s last night and we asked each other if we had heard or read anything from you. Thanks for writing!! Hope all is well. Great food for thought

  2. Phew!! So nice to get a communication from you … I have been holding my breath. However – BAM – you come back with a one-two punch eh? ha ha. Interesting post – and one I may have to come back to. My first reaction was – regrets – yes… I have them and in at least on instance the only person that can take me off the “hook” is me. I am not even sure if the other person ever even HAD me on the hook – they have passed and I can’t ask them. I have over time and lots of writing, talking about it, praying – the like – forgiven myself (for the most part). Do I wish I had done things differently? Absolutely but I have gotten more comfortable with the idea that maybe – just maybe – things went the way that was best for everyone. Perhaps it is an unreasonable expectation of myself that is holding me hostage, unnecessarily. Now – resentments – those are nasty bits I have to take care of – but that is a horse of a different color.
    Nice to hear from you my friend – give a hug to your bride for me!
    (btw I have been talking to Pauline and praying that all was well with you)

  3. Very happy to see (and read) your post. We’ve been wondering how you’re doing and been looking out for you two on our walks. 😘

    • Sure Annie. I’m doing quite well, but I still have some slight residual effects from the brain bleed. I am still deferring turning on the DBS stimulator. My everyday routine is as it was pre-surgery. Thank you so much for asking.

  4. “Regret should be handled swiftly, and you shouldn’t hold on to it. People spend their entire lives regretting what they didn’t do and what they should have done. Hey, man, you did what you did.” – John Mellencamp
    Words I have tried to live by, although it’s easier said than done.
    Looking forward to seeing you and Christine next weekend.

  5. Pete, I always appreciate your writings as it causes me to reflect. First, I am thankful to see that you are up to writing and hope that your health continues to improve. My mom was famous for saying, “you do for folks while their alive and you will have few regrets when they are gone.” I try to live by that advice and often share it with my children.

  6. Lorrie Mahoney says:

    Interesting, I wrote a note to self over 35 years ago days before entering the Army to serve. Before choices and life lived. My only promise to myself was no regrets.

    • The thought of writing a note to future self is pretty intriguing in and of itself! I have often said that I dialogue with my inner child, who at times is wiser and less burdened by life than me.

  7. nancy wallingford says:

    So glad to get your words of wisdom, Pete. I, like so many others, have missed your shared thoughts. I have wondered about your improvements of health. Take care, you and Christine.

  8. I am happy with where my life has taken me. So therefore I do not feel I can have regrets over the decisions I have made or I would not be the person I am today and I would not be where and with whom I am today. Does it sadden me that the affects on others has not always been positive. Definitely.

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