Category: Life and Living

Valencia, Endings and Beginnings

Posted on by Pete Schloss

November 3, 2022. At Valencia, Spain.

Dear Christine. The end is in sight… and so is the beginning.

In many ways this has been a very unique and complex journey for me. Actually, I have been on a number of separate journeys that are tightly woven together. There was my time in Lisbon and Porto. There was the Camino that I walked with Kris, and the Camino without her. There was meeting attorney and mediator Ken and his wife Bambi. I hope that they are well.

There was my time with Lynn who plans to move from New Mexico to Portugal. I continue to wear as an earring the little silver Camino shell that she gave me. There was also my time with Tina who forced me to speak German and to discover that I could.

There were the days in Santiago trying to figure out what to do next: continue to the coast and endure the monsoons, or choose not to be a prisoner to a plan. The example set by a German woman prevailed. There was the down day that I saw myself as alone and invisible. The wisdom of a Belgian woman taught me, “…it’s the adjusting to the feeling which is the most uncomfortable, not the feeling itself.” She was right, and my discomfort was short-lived.

Of course I can’t forget the evening in Santiago with Tom’s friends and their Camino friends.

Throughout it all you and I maintained daily contact, however even that came with a twist. Most of those days found us separated not only by distance, but by time.

Of course, there was “The Decision”. Today I told you of another decision, that I will return for another Camino. When, where, with or without you, children, or grandchildren, all to be decided, fate willing.

My time in Leon, Burgos, Madrid, Toledo, and now Valencia has been another phase to this journey. It ends in two days and another journey begins in Barcelona, shared with you, Wendy, and our Norwegian daughter Hege. Then comes sailing 22 days across the Atlantic.

I freely admit that I do beginnings much better than I do endings. Yesterday, today, and (likely) tomorrow are examples. I am weary of the present “tour”. I could not force myself to visit any museums, churches, or tourist sites. Instead I walked and just enjoyed being. However it appears that for a few coins one can climb to the top of the cathedral tower. That calls to me.

I engaged in some risky behavior today. I saw a barbershop and on an impulse walked in for a haircut.

I pantomimed my instructions to the barber who nodded his understanding, but his eyes said otherwise. Fortunately, his considerable skills prevailed and I walked out with a great haircut that only cost €13.

We and his partner shared a picture and smiles.

Paul the barber (R.I.P.) from Smith Center, Kansas would not have called it risky. I still remember him saying in 2010, “Don’t worry, if I make a mistake, it’ll grow back.“

How could there not be pictures for me to share?…

Not only is my hotel room incredible, but it is located in the heart of the old city within two blocks of the cathedral and main square. It’s a wonderful area.

The old city of Valencia was once surrounded by fortress walls and huge towers that protected the city gates. At least 2 of the towers remain standing.

It’s a tower, there are stairs, and so I climbed it.

Even in November the beach front is beautiful and inviting. I imagine it must be crowded with tanned bodies in the summer.

The temperature hit 76 today and some heartier souls shed most of their clothes to play in the water and on the sand.

Also, this is a cruise destination.

One vendor near the main square has created an interesting twist on ice cream waffle cones. Strange that his customers were only young females.

Sleep well… two nights to go! Love, from Me to You.

PS. Remember I commented that you can no longer tell Americans from Europeans by their shoes and clothing? The same goes for verbal exclamations. It’s common to hear, “Oh my God!“, “Wow!”, or the like, immediately followed by the local language. I’ve done more than a few double takes on hearing such expressions.

The Decision

Posted on by Pete Schloss

October 28, 2022. At Burgos, Spain.

Dear Christine. A few days ago I told you I had decided. You ask how I came to the choice, and why while I was walking across Portugal and Spain. Your question took me by surprise, and I’m not satisfied with the quick answer that I gave. The question has occupied my thoughts these last few days because we both deserve a thoughtful reply.

“It” has haunted and stalked me since grade school. Until playmates begin pointing it out, I gave it no mind, I was being like my mother. My dad said we both just worried too much.

In high school I was too young to legally drink alcohol, but that didn’t stop me. Friends found it curious that after a beer or two “it” temporarily disappeared. I since learned that this is a common trait.

Aptitude tests in college and my own interests pointed me in the direction of a career in medicine, but that was certainly out of the question. Instead, I became a lawyer.

I was always able to adapt. Two hands to put a key in a lock, tall beverage glasses half full or lids on coffee cups, instead of hammers and nails it was cordless drills and screws. A really good legal assistant and voice-to-text typing proved invaluable.

“It” didn’t stop me from bicycling across the United States when I was 58 or hiking with you across Spain when I was 61 and then across Portugal when I was 66. It didn’t stop me from sailing, traveling, or pursuing the things that have enriched our lives with our children and grandchildren.

This last month has been different. I am again hiking Portugal and Spain, but this time without you. “It” has become progressively worse the last few years, but the assistance that you have given me each day we are together has quietly taken up the slack in a way that I had not fully appreciated.

In your absence I see my limitations every time I look at a menu. Where I sit in a restaurant matters, as does the question of table service versus self-service. Completing information forms at the airport or hotel necessitates humility on my part and assistance from others. While I am beyond being embarrassed, I am not beyond confronting reality and the future.

I hinted at this in my earlier essay, “Alone and Invisible“:

“…I also read from the script of the possible future. We have shared over 48 years together, 45 of them as husband and wife. It is exceedingly rare that spouses draw their last breaths together. More common is the outcome visioned in the vows which begin the journey of marriage, “…until death do us part.” It was thus with my mother living alone for 11 years after dad died, and the same for your dad living 9 years without your mother. It is likely that one of us will have to embrace “alone” as a way of life.”

My mantra has always been, “Don’t put off until tomorrow the things you may then find you are unable to do.“ At 70 years old I am mindful that circumstances could arise at any time to deprive me of this decision.

So, assuming the neurologists and neurosurgeons still agree, I have decided to undergo bilateral Deep Brain Stimulation surgery (“DBS”) to treat my Essential Tremors. I have chosen this over the newer Focused Ultrasound therapy (“FUS”) because it is reversible and can be done bilaterally. While both treatments report over 90% rates of patient satisfaction and safety, DBS has a proven track record of long-term efficacy. I have weighed these factors against the usual risks of surgery and my understandable aversion to having holes drilled in my skull and implants placed in the center of my brain.

All that having been said, you are still a part of this decision and I invite your thoughts when we rejoin each other next week in Barcelona.

Love, Peter.

PS. Those of you other than my wife may wonder why I am being so public about this. It is because this condition has been “public” my entire life. It is not something I have ever been able to hide. ET is the most prevalent of neurological motion disorders in the world. ET directly impacts the lives of nearly 1 out of every 50 people. It also impacts the lives of loved ones like my wife. Fortunately, for most it is merely annoying. Unfortunately, for many like me it becomes progressive in later years and significantly effects the quality of life.

If you would like to learn more about Essential Tremors this link will provide a good start to your inquiry: National Institute of Neurological Disorders

Picking Burgos

Posted on by Pete Schloss

October 26, 2022. At Burgos, Spain.

Dear Christine. The day has finally arrived and you are on a plane for Europe! Tomorrow we will find ourselves in the same time zone. There are still 10 days before we’ll be together but being on the same side of the ocean is a big step in that direction.

I arrived in Burgos this afternoon by train. The hotel is just as charming as I recall from nine years ago.

It is located on the Camino, which passes directly under my balcony, and is one of the oldest in the city having first opened its doors in 1904. At just over €50 a night it’s a real bargain.

My first order of business was to get some laundry done. The small coin operated laundromat was only two blocks away. Apparently, washing dogs in the machines is prohibited.

That task accomplished, I found a nice outdoor restaurant to enjoy an excellent pizza, a couple of beers, and a café con leche.

Three English speaking pilgrims, probably in their late 40s, were seated near me discussing their experiences on the Camino. One periodically met my eye. As they stood to leave I extended the common greeting, “Buen Camino!“. The gentleman replied, “Gracias!” to which I responded with “You’re welcome, I’m American.“ I have been wearing my beret in the evenings and the gentleman assumed I was Spanish or French. We had a good laugh.

Remember when we first began traveling in Europe in the early 80’s? It was so easy to pick out Americans. The sneakers, T-shirts, jeans, ball caps… There were so many “tells“. It’s no longer that way. American and Western European styles have blended to make nationality indistinguishable by sight alone.

Today alone I saw Harvard, Yale, and Marshall University sweaters all worn by Europeans. The same with Carhartt, Vans, and any number of other popular brands seen just as often on the streets of America as here on the streets of Spain.

However, it is easy to distinguish Camino pilgrims. It’s the shoes, the zip off pants, the haggard look that hints at near homelessness yet is contrasted with joy in the eyes and a smile on the lips. As I watched pilgrims walking interspersed among locals I found myself wishing to return again to the Camino. It would be such a joy to share this with Peter, our daughters, and/or our grandchildren.

I thought the evening beauty of Leon could not be beat, but after tonight I’m picking Burgos.

See you in my dreams. Love, Me.

PS. Dear Liz S. If you thought that the title to this post was meant as wordplay, congratulations! You know me well!

Alone and Invisible

Posted on by Pete Schloss

October 23, 2022. Somewhere between Santiago and Leon, Spain.

Dear Christine. I am on the train from Santiago to Leon. It is wonderfully smooth even at over 100 miles an hour. I paid an extra €10 for a first class premium seat. I’m in the 1st car which seats 14 passengers, but only two seats are occupied. It’s a fitting metaphor for feeling alone and invisible.

I’m going to defer giving you the pictures and details of my last day visit in Santiago. This will be a bit deeper.

I don’t do “alone“ well. I don’t think you know how challenging it can be for me, though there have been hints over our years together. Yes, I’ve done solo camping trips, but I’ve always managed to find human company to share portions of the experience. On the other hand, remember about 47 years ago when I took off for two weeks of solo camping in the Colorado backcountry? We had not begun living together but we were a “couple“. It was complete solitude and I lasted 10 of the 14 days. I returned to Kansas City in the deep of night, thinking it would be charming to surprise you by climbing up to your second-story bedroom balcony. Thinking back, that was one of my dumber stunts. It scared you to death and I’m damn lucky you didn’t have a gun.

During my last day in Santiago I walked the streets alone. I sat in the Cathedral alone. I visited museums alone, and I ate lunch and dinner, alone. There was respite. I enjoyed a last visit and coffee with Lynn, and exchanged pleasantries in one of the museums with a pilgrim from England. Of course, there was the business of arranging for a cab to the station and closing my bill at the hotel. There were also pleasantries with the bartender there. Except for those few interactions, I was invisible.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m just processing my thoughts. The feelings of “alone” generated by the day were like the plucked string of a guitar which then resonates the same note in a nearby instrument. Memories of other times “alone“ resurrected from the fog of years past.

I remembered being about five years old, waking early from my noon nap to see my mom leaving the house to visit the next door neighbor. I stood at the window, my eyes barely above the windowsill, and felt my chin quiver as I fought back tears.

I recalled my first night away at college sitting alone under a street lamp at the curb in front of my dorm. No tears, just the dark cavern of emptiness.

And of course there was that stunt at your bedroom balcony.

We have been apart 25 days. I’ve enjoyed the company others, most notably Kris, Marianne, Lynn, Tina, Ron, Kam, Leesa, and Nele. I think I communicate better with women than with men, but that’s a topic for another time.

We have spoken on the phone every day, but isn’t it curious that we have not visited even once by video? I think this has been my subconscious choice. Hearing just your voice is no different than if you were in the next room. However, video shatters the fiction of nearness as I see the backdrop of our home thousands of miles away. Of course, there is also the separation of time. I wake up when you go to sleep. I finish dinner as you begin lunch…

My thoughts were not limited to past and present. I also read from the script of the the possible future. We have shared over 48 years together, 45 of them as husband and wife. It is exceedingly rare that spouses draw their last breaths together. More common is the outcome visioned in the vows which begin the journey of marriage, “…until death do we part.” It was thus with my mother living alone for 11 years after dad died, and the same for your dad living 9 years without your mom. It is likely that one of us will have to embrace “alone” someday as a way of life.

Past, present, and future. I wonder if Charles Dickens didn’t mull thoughts such as these when he penned “A Christmas Carol”?

We have paused mid-point at a small rural station to disembark a few passengers and take on new ones. Lives connected only briefly with mine as we anonymously share a journey.

Thanks for listening. Love, Peter.

When a Plan Becomes a Prison

Posted on by Pete Schloss

October 20, 2022. At Santiago de Compostela, Spain.

Dear Christine. When is a plan a prison? When one allows it to be.

Tina from Germany did not use those exact words, But the meaning came through when she shared her decision to forgo continuing on to the coast in favor of returning to Germany. While I was fretting the thought of enduring days of miserable weather, she was nonchalant in her decision to redirect her path. I realized that I had allowed my plans to become a “prison“. Furthermore, I was my own jailer oblivious that I held the keys to my release.

I have again checked the weather and there is no improvement.

Therefore, I am escaping my plan in favor of another. This afternoon I canceled my November flight from Santiago to Barcelona and I also canceled my November Santiago hotel booking. These were reservations that came into play upon my return to Santiago from Finisterra and Muxia. Instead, today I booked a series of train tickets from Santiago to Leon, Leon to Burgos, Burgos to Madrid, Madrid to Valencia, and Valencia to Barcelona. The total cost for those 1st class train connections was slightly less than €300.

I have secured lodgings as follows: three nights in Lyons, three nights in Burgos, four nights in Madrid, and three nights in Valencia. The total cost for those 13 nights it’s slightly less than $1000. I weighed this against the cost savings of not walking to the coast, not staying additional days in Santiago, and not paying airfare. My “new plan” is slightly more expensive than the old one, but the relief from the thought of endless trudging through torrential rains is priceless.

I am at peace with this transition from pilgrim to tourist: “God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change (like rain!), The Courage to change those things that I can (like my plans!), and the Wisdom to know the difference (thank you Tina!).”

Becoming a tourist begins tomorrow. I plan to spend the next two days in Santiago visiting a number of its historical and religious sites. Today I returned to the cathedral for the noon pilgrims Mass and was again rewarded with the spectacle of the swinging Botafumeiro.

First I entered the cathedral through the Holy Door, which is only open during a Jubilee year which is when the feast of Saint James falls on a Sunday. That occurred in 2021, but because of Covid it has been extended through 2022. This is the first time that the door has been open in a non-Jubilee year since the Spanish revolution.

This is the door from the outside where there is a constant line of pilgrims seeking entry. during non-Jubilee years it is gated and locked.
This is the door from the inside which is usually closed except during Jubilee years.

Tradition holds that a pilgrim entering the cathedral through the Holy Door receives a plenary indulgence, the forgiveness of all one’s past sins. Maybe tomorrow I will walk through the door backwards to see if my future sins are forgiven as well!

This time I brought my “real Camera“. I hope that the pictures prove it’s worth.

This is a larger than life sculpture of Saint James that is center of the altar backdrop. in times past there is a passage that allows visitors to stand behind the statue and embrace it, looking out into the church. It has been closed during these two days, perhaps because of Covid.
The pipe organ
With all of the glory of the cathedral, it is interesting to note that Saint Mary’s chapel is the oldest part of the church and the least ostentatious. It is actually a church that predates the cathedral and was part of a monastery. It dates to the mid-800s!

Here is a sequence of pictures of the swinging of the Botafumiero. I opted not to make a video as it would be too difficult for me to show you here. There are plenty of videos on YouTube:

Above is the framework from which the Botafumiero hangs. I believe this version dates to the 1600s. it is designed to allow the attendants to accelerate the swing with each pull of the rope.
Lit charcoal to which incense is added is placed in the Botafumiero.
The attendants prepare to pull the rope and begin swinging the censer.
Here the Botafumiero rockets over my head.
The swinging arch takes it from one side of the cathedral to the other.
Trailing smoke, it very nearly reaches the top of the cathedral

After dark I returned to the square to appreciate that it is at night that this old city really shines.

Love, your Husband.

PS. During Mass there were invocations to pray for the Pilgrims, especially those who endured sickness and disability to reach the cathedral, prayers that they return home safely, and prayers that the journey aided all to embrace peace in their hearts.

To this I say, Amen.